The Love and Lies of Sirius Black
by DreamyEmily
Summary: What does it mean to truly love someone? Letting go or holding onto? There was a time I think I knew the answer. I love Sirius Black, but it was him who ended our relationship, he was the reason of why I am Emily Wood not Emily Black.
1. Prologue

**Author notes: Hello, it's my first Sirius Black fiction. I am always in love with Sirius Black! But I am a Chinese, so my English is not very good. Feel free to comment and correct me! **

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_Prologue_

_What does it mean to truly love another?_

_It is a complicated question I must say, but there was a time in my life, I think, I knew the answer. And now, as I was hit by Bellatrix Lestrange's spell and falling swiftly onto the ground, I once again, think I knew the answer._

_"Mum? No Mum!"_

_They say you'll know, when your time has come, is it my time to go? If the answer is yes, I have no desire to stay. I shouldn't have any regrets either, should I? The son, no my son, has truly grown up and had found the girl he loved, maybe will have a child or two. Remus and Tonks finally got married and have a son. His name is Ted if I remember correctly. Oh no silly me, how can I forget about James and Lily's son?_

_The boy who lived, who is now no longer a boy. Some out there named him The Chosen One. I am sure James is going to be very jealous to know his son's got more nicknames then he had got. He is a strong and brave child, like his parents, with so many loyal friends, so I don't have to worry about him._

_Now I can truly understand why Dumbledore can leave so broadly like this, though he did leave a mess for Harry to cover up, but he trusted him, didn't he? If Dumbledore trusted the boy, I do. Harry Potter is going to kill Voldement._

_"Move away! Katie, Katie!"_

_I hear thunder like footstep; someone crouched down next to me. I am too tired to move, to even open my eyes to see who it is. I am, then, carried away._

_"Oliver, look out!"_

_"Katie, we have to get out of here. I mean now."_

_"Stupefy"_

_"Protego"_

_"Go to the Common Room, Oliver. Ginny gave me the password."_

_There are loud explosion noise and the smell of ashes and smoke, finally, I am carried to somewhere familiar. I smile; I am in the Gryffindor common room, where everything started, where my time is going to end._

_"Mum, can you hear me? Mum?"_

_"I love you, son, as much as I love your dad." I whisper to him._

_"Don't say such thing, Mum, you are going to be all right." Oliver whimpers. The silly boy must be crying, his tears wet my forehead like raindrops. "Katie's Healer, she can fix it."_

_"Not when it's done by Dark Magic. I was a healer, too. Katie?"_

_"I'm here, Mrs. Wood?"_

_Oh dear, the silly girl is sobbing too._

_"Take care of him."_

_"I swear I__will."_

_Death is driving away my breath, I can feel it. He is weakening me._

_"Don't mum. Dad's doing, Fred's doing it. Please mum, I will do anything." Oliver says._

_"You are doing more than enough to me, boy. Mum's got to go, when your time comes, you will understand it."_

_"But—"_

_"Go out and fight along with the others, they need you." I say._

_"No, I am staying—"_

_"Listen to me. Please, my last wish."_

_My sight has become cloudy, or maybe it is because of my tears, but I can still see Oliver nods, and walk out of the portrait with Katie Bell, my daughter-in-law._

_It's hard to believe that I am going to end up here, where I grew up; where I met those I loved. The portraits in the room haven't change; it's still smell like the common room in my time._

_"It's time." Death whispers in my ears._

_My Hogwarts life memory comes back, those laughter, even James annoying voice of "Go out with me, Lily?", and Lily's objections "No a million time." Remus and Pettigrew used to sit on a side and laughed, but of course, their laughter were always cover by his roaring, thundering laughter._

_Yes, he, Sirius Black. He's the reason of why I am Emily Wood not Emily Black. We used to be in love, and much more, but it's he who ends our relationships. Even I am dying now, I am to say that I love him, Sirius Black, and always will._

_"Come." Death says, and I saw bright light, am I going to heaven?_

_"No." I said. "Tell you about a story before we go?"_

_"You shouldn't bargain with Death, but request of a story...understandable."_

_"My story actually, and I promise to leave nothing out."_


	2. Chapter One The Encounter in the Common

Chapter one The Encounter in the Common Room

The Gryffindor common room was always crowded, but not tonight. Snow was filling heavily outside the castle, it was Christmas, students were sent home this morning, I didn't. I curled up in the sofa front of the fireplace. I usually could hid my emotion perfectly, but no, the walls were breaking now and I didn't even put up a fight. I buried my head in my arms and knees, sobbing silent.

It wasn't like I was worrying about be found. It was three in the morning, and most Gryffindors were home for Christmas, no one would be woken. But I had lost all of my strength, I had been crying for like two hours. Every time I tried to stop, I couldn't, I didn't seem to have the ability to control myself.

Waves and waves of pain flooded against me invisibly, I didn't know what to feel or how to feel. I didn't even know why I was living here, what I was living for. I glanced down at the yellowish parchment in my hand once again, which was very difficult to read because the teardrops had smudged the ink terribly.

_Muggle Parents...all dead...Death Eater attack...House shattered...funeral...next week... Dumbledore..._

"Gentle?"

Someone was here, I wiped away the tears on my face swiftly. I wanted to curse whoever come in the common room in such wrong time, but I didn't turn, because I knew my eyes couldn't lie, they must look red and puffy.

"Gentle? Emily Gentle?"

"Get what you want to leave, won't you?"

"You don't own the common room, you know."

There was only one people in this planet would be this nasty, Sirius Black. How on earth he was happened to be in the room in this time? He was supposed to be in bed. Wait, he was a Marauder, the famous trouble marker in Hogwarts, of course he would be here.

"Just go away." I mumbled, "Please."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm wonderful, thanks for asking. Now maybe you can go back to your dormitory." I snarled furiously.

"Once again, you don't own the common room." he replied and helped himself settle down in a sofa next to the one I was sitting. I kept my eyes on my knees; I must look awful, or perhaps...like a loser.

"You are what? Third year?"

"Third year?" I said in a high pitched voice, "I am fifth year, same as you. We are in the same class and house for five years, and you don't even know. But I shouldn't be so surprise, should I, with all those girls hanging around you?"

"You're fifth year? Okay, I'll bare that in mind. Why aren't you home?" he said, he looked indeed very surprised.

My vision was bur again, and my eyes were growing hotter and hotter. Tear fell down from my cheek once again. I mopped them away with my sleeves, and they fell again. I kept mopping and mopping, it didn't stop the tears and it hurt my eyes.

"I'm sorry, did I say anything wrong?" he said and sat next to me. I had never been so close to him, which then I noticed that he was actually shirtless. He gazed at me with his grey eyes. It was absolutely stupid for me to talk to him; this would only lead him to ask more and more questions, which I was not ready to answer.

"Stop rubbing your eyes with the sleeves," he said, "Isn't it hurt?"

Gently, he lowered my hands and mopped away my tears with his thumbs. As everything was back in focus, I stared at him. I hated to admit but he was glamorous. His hair was dark brown and the jaw was strong. The straight nose was right above the pink lips, no wonder why there were so many girls fell for him.

But no, the Sirius Black front of me was not the Sirius Black I had always seen, though I was not particularly close to him to know a lot about him, but at least not that rule-breaker or trouble-maker, I couldn't tell what were the difference though.

His handsome features softened, making him more attractive. I bit my lips and look away. No I was not going to tell him, he didn't have to know about this.

"You know you can tell me. I am not going to tell anyone, I swear." he said sincerely, "You can trust me."

I wanted to stand up and walk to my dormitory, but I couldn't move, and handed him the letter Dumbledore sent me a few hours ago. I stared blankly at the dancing fire, was it time for me to lower my armours and start to trust other?

I was a Muggle-Born, and I was caring by a Black, it was going to be an absolute joke if it was spilt. Since I came to Hogwarts, I stood alone. I was to trust no one, expected Nathan Wood, who was a year older than me and grew up with me. I never understood why I was a witch, or why I would be sorted into Gryffindor. I wasn't like Remus Lupin or Lily Evans, being so good in everything, I was just...me.

"I am sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Forget about it." I said.

"So what are you going to do then?" he asked.

"I don't know," I whispered, I had asked myself for lots of time, but still, I didn't know what to do. Where was I going to live in the next two summers? What about my shattered old house? "I'll go to the funereal, and..."

"And maybe you should think about the other stuff, distract yourself of the bad things. There are ,of course, a lot of problems you'll have to deal with, but Dumbledore didn't ask you to deal with them now. They can wait." Sirius said in a matured tone, which made me wonder if it was really Sirius Black sitting next to me.

"Spoken like an old man" I teased.

"If you live in the Ancient House of Black, you will speak like an old hag either."

"So, Mr. Old Man, what am I to think now?" I said, and smiled. It felt like I hadn't been smiled for ages.

"Perhaps cream cakes and pies? Or you'd prefer something hot to drink?"

"Or maybe I prefer both?" I said. It reminded me that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. My stomach was roaring with hunger.

"Sure, but just a second," he said and raised his wand, "Accio Robe."

A black Hogwarts robe flew out of the boy dormitory and landed on the sofa. Sirius picked it up and put it on my shoulder, he, however, remained shirtless.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, and in case you get your eyes puffy again, I'll keep the letter." he said and disappeared out of the portrait

For the first time since I had received the letter about my parent's death, I felt hope again. Death brought them away from me, but somehow, I could feel that they were here, with me. I couldn't see them, but all the same, they were here. I hated Voldemort and hated the Death Eaters, but so? What could I do now? Go out and kill them? No, I was staying and learn, preparing myself, because one day, I was going to pay back.

Oh Merlin, was I infected by Sirius to think like an old man?

The portrait opened again and the shirtless Sirius came in, his bare shoulder was, to my surprise, covered by snow. He couldn't have been to the ground. As I was looking at him, I couldn't help feeling hot. His bare chest was muscular. Thanks to the flaming firelight that he couldn't see me blushing.

"Where have you been?" I asked as he put down the food and drinks on the sofa and sat on the floor. He summoned himself a shirt and wore it, which I was absolutely grateful.

"Somewhere to get some great stuff." he said and smirked. He had brought back a tray of pies and cream cakes. I didn't know how he had managed to get all of these foods in the middle of the night, but I didn't bother to care. The cakes were excellent and the pies were good too, and when I tried to gets the bottle of drinks in the tray—

"Where did you get the Butter Beer?" I choked with the pie.

Sirius shrugged and asked, "Where do you think?"

"No way, you can't—"

"Everything is possible for the Marauders." he said, which was actually meaning that he had sneaked out of the castle and bought the Butter Beers from Three Broomsticks.

"Right," I agreed, well, how could I not agree? "So, what's your story? Why aren't you home?"

"Trust me, you won't want to hear it as your bed time story." he said firmly, and stared at the warm, growling fire. I couldn't make out what was on his mind. Sad? Happy? Angry?

"Try me."

"No," he said stonily.

"You're the one who tell me to keep my mind on something else." I protested.

"Not this," he said and stared at me gloomily. I had never seen him like this before, he was usually laughing his head off with Potter, or teasing Severus Snape, but was he ,like me, faking all of this? His blue grey eyes stared into me like an X-ray.

"Swear to me not to tell anyone then," he said, "not even James and Remus."

I sat down on the ground next to him.

"I swear."

He had a deep, long sigh, and stared into the fire again, his face was expressionless. Cleared his throat, he started,

"Once upon a time, there was a boy, aren't stories start like this?"

I glared at him and hit him with my fist, I was so into the story and he considered it as a joke?

"Okay," laughed Sirius, "I am really going into the story. Stop punching!

"Long ago, there were two brothers in the Black family. The elder son and the younger son used to be very good friends and brothers. They cared each other like...like...soul mates. When they were small, they stuck together wherever they went. The father and mother were always expecting very high from them, they beat them, taught them in a very special way by using the Unforgivable Curses. But still, they were there for each other no matter they were hurt, locked in the dark room, or torturing by the curses.

The parent knew nothing about loving their children, all they cared was how to impress the other ancient families like the Malfoys and the Lestranges. They were sort of crazy about blood purity, and hated Muggles more than anything on earth.

Once the elder son got lost in London and was helped by a Muggle woman. His father showed obvious disgust and killed the Muggle at once. He did that front of his son, who was...three. Due to his power and wealth, no one knew about this murder, but his son.

The life in hell went on, day by day, the brothers knew nothing about love and were taken care by the house-elf. The younger son listened to whatever his parent said, while the elder brother started to question. The father and mother hated the elder son for being so...questionable, they, however, seemed to appreciate the younger son for his no question obey.

The elder son, later on, was sorted into the Gryffindor house, where courageous and brave dwell and he met a couple of great friends, and seemed to have his life happily ever after. But no, it was too early for him to dream on. End of story."

"No," I said, and took a tip of the Butter Beer, it warmed me as though a stove had installed inside of me.

"Now what?" he asked, "You wanted the story, and here the story."

"You've only tell me part one." I said, "And I'm sorry for you—no I mean the elder son."

"Nah, you don't have to be sorry for him. He's got everything he needs in the castle, and there's no part two." he said darkly.

"What do you mean it was too early for him to dream on?" I asked.

"It means nothing," he said, "Go to sleep, it's almost four."

"I'm not tired," I said, "please go on?"

"No, go to sleep and we'll talk about the funeral tomorrow." he said and one causal wave of his wand the empty tray had disappeared out of thin air.

"What were you doing out so late anyway?" I asked.

"Bored, just went out for a walk." he said casually.

"Shirtless?"

"Or what do you think—wait, I see what you mean. "He said and smirked at me, the rule breaker and trouble marker was back again. He leaned towards me, I could feel his breath, and he smell really good!

"You know," he whispered in my ears, "I am never a good boy, and in a night like this...Well, who knows what will happen?"

My face, neck and ears had gone all red, I pushed him away with all my might, but it was nothing compared to his strength. "No, Sirius."

"How come I have never gone on date with you?" he mumbled, as he started to play with my hair. I had inherited my mother's hazel hair, but anyway, it must look like a mess now...

"Well, I should be grateful, shouldn't I? Now if you excuse me, I'd love to go to bed." I snapped. He smiled and let me go. When I got to the stairs to the girl dormitory, I paused.

"Thank you, Sirius, for everything."

"No problem, but just so you know, I thank you, too. I've never told anyone about my...hmm...complicated past." he said modestly.

"Any time, but I am waiting for the part two." I said, "Good night, Sirius."

"Good night, Emily."


	3. Chapter Two The Dreamy Morning

Chapter Two The Dreamy Morning

I should be sleeping perfectly well that night, while for the first time in my life, I had owned the whole dormitory, all of my nosy room mates were home for Christmas, but I didn't. The story, no I mean, Sirius' past had somehow terrified me. I doubted he made that story out, because when he was speaking, his face was...unreadable.

I couldn't believe I had talked that much to a guy who I didn't know very well. Actually, I hated him. He was messing up the class, ditching every single girl just because he thought he looked good (though he was, doubtlessly, handsome), teasing the first and second years, sneaking out of the school...his crimes were uncountable. But last night was different.

I got up very early the next day, at dawn break. My face was wet, which I later on found out was the mixture of tears and sweat. There was a moment I thought whatever had happened last night was a dream, that my parent were still alive and I didn't spend my time with Sirius Black. But no, it was time to face it, they were real.

I was woken by a nightmare. In the dream, I could see how the Death Eaters killed my parent, it was like I was there, and watching the whole thing happened, but I could do nothing. The Death Eaters killed my mum first, and then my dad. They were defenceless! I watched them one by one fell onto the icy ground. The Death Eaters, then, destroyed my house; it was shattered in fire and ashes. The Arrors were late, too late to save them.

I was falling into the endless darkness, and landed in somewhere like a cell. A boy about five or six was there, he was sobbing silently in a corner. I couldn't make out the boy's face, but my first impression was that the boy was Sirius. I spoke to him, and told him that everything was going to be OK, but he didn't seem to hear me, and I was falling again.

I was in a very old and ancient house; a woman dressed in black was standing aside with a young boy. A man was putting a spell on another boy about eleven, or twelve maybe. He was in pain and shaking on the ground. He was mouthing the word "stop!", but no one could hear him. That had got to be the Cruciatus Curse, I had read it from the book, it was one of the Unforgivable Curses. The boy stared into my eyes, those grey blue eyes were familiar...

"NO!"I yelled with all my might, "Stop it, STOP IT!"

No one could hear me neither. The boy was blurring, and so did everything. I was being pulled backward and backward.

_ "Good night, Emily."_ and a taste of Butter Beer was, strangely, all I could remember when I woke up. I went to the wash room and cleaned my face. I couldn't recognize myself when I looked into the mirror. I looked like a zombie. The hair was messy as though I hadn't washed it for centuries, my eyes were still puffy and there were black bags in under my eyes.

Hurriedly, I took a bath. Lying in the tub of hot water, I wondered about the dreams again. Part of me told me that I made up all those images and pictures, they weren't real. Too many things happened yesterday and I wasn't in my right mind, so I had those dreams, but honestly, was it?

I fixed the black bags under my eyes with a spell Stella, my roommate, taught me, never thought it would be useful. The morning light shone into the room. Gangs and gangs of owls flew in and out the castle. I could see Hagrid, the game keeper, was busy feeding his baby Hippogriff. The sunlight was gleaming on the snow on the ground like diamonds. The castle, the Forbidden Forest, the owls, everything seemed to be unchanged, but it somehow did. It felt like everything I knew was about to be changed.

I went down the hall for breakfast, a giant Christmas tree was planted near the staff table. Professor Dumbledore was sitting in the middle and talking delightedly with Professor McGonagall. Hagrid waved as I entered, and I waved back. There were only about ten students in Slytherin and Hufflepuff, and non in Ravenclaw, whereas there were a few first and second years in Gryffindor, and Sirius was there.

I settled myself next to Sirius, who was grinning at him, "Good morning," he greeted.

"Good morning," I said, and helped myself with some milk.

"You seem better." he said, without looking at me.

"Yeah, thanks." I replied, and there was a rushing sound and about ten owls flew into hall and dropping letters and presents from home. A letter and a Daily Prophet landed front in front of me. When I was about to open it, a package bounced off Sirius' head, and an tiny owl crashed into his pumpkin juice.

"Ivan," I said, pulling him out from the pumpkin juice. Hagrid gave him to me when I was eleven, but five years past, he was still so clumsy.

"A very indeed nice owl you've got," Sirius said, "and it's yours."

He handed me the package. I opened the letter first first, it was from Nathan.

_Dear Emily, _

_ I am terribly sorry about your parent; Dad told me what has happened. You know, he is an Arror, and his mate told him that Voldemort had been there, or your house would not be shattered like this. I know how terrible it would be for you. I am so sorry; I should be here with you. I—_

"Emily, can I borrow this?" I heard Sirius ask, and without knowing what he wanted to borrow, I nodded.

_ am coming back tomorrow morning, and hopefully I could see you at night fall. If it is OK for you, I want to go to the funeral. After all, your parent was very nice to me and they cared about me like their own son._

_ Love,_

_ Nathan_

_ P.S: Mum has made you a magic-free sweater, hope you will like it._

I opened the package, it was a brown sweater. My mum used to send one to me every Christmas, but she wouldn't do it anymore. I sighed and put on the sweater, it was very warm. The letter "E" was branded in the left sleeve.

"It suits you," Sirius said. He had borrowed my Daily Prophet and was reading the first page.

"What about you? Don't you have home present?" I asked curiously.

"I've never received any. But always, I got a jacket or like you, a sweater, from the Potters." he answered. "And your boyfriend's coming back, right?"

"Nathan is not my boyfriend," I protested.

"Stop lying, you're blushing," he teased.

"No, I am not," I said.

"Oh, come on, that's understandable, he's burly, smart, and Qudditch Captain. James said he has got eight Owls."

"Nine, actually," I corrected, and helped myself with some sandwiches. "If you have finished reading the Prophet, I want to read it."

"No," he said and folded up the paper, "Trust me, you won't."

"Let me see it," I said, "Give it here."

He shook his head and took out his wand,

"_Incendio_."

"Wait!" I was too late, the Prophet was burned into ashes front of me, some first years gasped. "How could you do that? I—"

A black bird flew in with a red letter. I thought that was a raven, but no, it was a black owl. I had never seen it before. It dropped the red envelop front of me, but it was obviously not mine.

"Who sent you a Howler so early?" asked Sirius after he had cleaned the ashes on the table.

"That's not mine," I said, "It's yours."

Sirius glanced at it and was petrified as he saw the words "Sirius Black" on the envelop. "Do me a favour, won't you?"

"Open it yourself," I urged, and couldn't help smiling broadly at him, "C'mon, it'll be over in a few minutes. I promise I am not going to tell James Potter."

"Don't you dare," he muttered and slit open it. Sire Nicholas, the Gryffindor ghost who was happened to be talking with the first years, covered his ears with his hand. A second later, a shriek of a woman filled the huge hall, shaking dust from the ceiling.

"SIRIUS BLACK, I HAVE TOLD YOU TO COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, HAVEN'T I? I HAVE TOLD YOU HOW IMPORTANT THIS CHRISTMAS IS, HAVEN'T I? AND YOU HAVE NEVER CARED OF WHAT I AND YOUR FATHER TOLD YOU. THE MALFOYS ARE COMING TO OUR HOUSE, AND THE LESTRANGES AND YOUR COUSINS!"

Mrs. Black's yells was echoing in the hall, Professor Dumbledore had stopped his conversation with Professor McGonagall, and both of them were looking pitifully at Sirius. The Slytherins were kneeing on their chair, tried to get a clear view of Sirius being scolded.

"—TO SAY TO THEM ABOUT THE ELDER SON MISSING? THE MINISTER IS COMING TOO. YOU CAN NEVER BEHAVE LIKE YOUR BROTHER, CAN'T YOU? YOU DO KNOW WE HAVE GOT A VERY IMPORTANT GUEST THIS TIME, RIGHT? "

Nobody spoke while Mrs Black was yelling, the first and second years were terrified. Sirius mouthed to me, "Stop it."

"I don't know how," I mouthed back.

"HANGING AROUND WITH MUDBLOODS, BREAKING THE FAMILY RULES, EVEN BEING SORTED INTO THAT DAMN, BLOOD-MIXED GRYFFINDOR—"

"_Silencio_! _Waddiwasi_! _Diffindo!_" I pulled out my wand and said, but it didn't seem to work.

"_Reducto_!," Sirius said, "_REDUCTO_!"

The Howler exploded into ashes, but her voice was still echoing in the hall. The Slytherins were laughing their head off in their table. Filch, the care keeper, who hated James Potter and Sirius Black very much, was smirking. Even the Hufflepuffs hid their face as they were giggling.

"You've promised me not to tell James right?" Sirius asked.

"If only you stop calling Nathan's my boyfriend."

"Deal."

I spent the rest of the day with Sirius. We had a walk in the ground after that unforgettable breakfast. The winter sunlight shone on my skin as we were resting near the lake. I put off my shoes and socks and put my legs into the icy lake water. The professors did something to the water so it wouldn't freeze in winter.

Talking with Sirius was great; it was somehow like you were talking to an old friend. He was funny and caring. He kept avoiding talking about my parent. I even told him about my dreams.

"I doubt that was me," he said after listening to me patiently, "I mean, I am a lot charming than—"

"Hey," I said, "I am serious."

"Don't remind me, I'm Sirius too."

"What?" I frowned, "Oh, I see. That's funny, Sirius and serious."

He smiled, and the gentle sunlight fell on his face and he was really gorgeous. He just seemed to be the most satisfied statue of god with an angelic face. He filled the empty hole inside of me. I had dated some guys when I was in fourth years, and I had heard of his history, that he changed girlfriends monthly, but here, just he and I, it felt differently. Staring into his eyes, I suddenly had a strong passion to kiss him.

_ "No, you only know him for one day. "A voice said inside of me._

_ "Five years, logically," another voice said._

_ "Emily!You have to resist his charm!"_

_ "Kiss him..."_

_ "No!" _

"Emily," someone said, "You're all right?"

I looked up, and swallowed. I really hated him when he gazed at me like this, it was like...pity.

"I'm great."

"You know, I've been thinking, maybe I should go to the funeral with you." he suggested, "It'll be—"

"I can definitely take care of myself."I said, "But I don't mind one more company."

"One more? Nathan's going?" he frowned.

I nodded. "He grew up with me."

Before Sirius could reply, a first year came hurriedly to us, "The Headmaster wished to see you."

"I'll meet back here then," Sirius said.

"Both of you," the first year added.


End file.
